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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 21 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script Dororo: *Narrating* It's been some time since our last scrap with the Shurara Corps. We thought we were prepared for them this time. Then my computer went dead. Now I can sense a presence inside the house. Something that should have left this world. Dokuku: *Casual* Hey, I'm looking for Keroro? Also I ate your cat and I'm not sorry. You'll understand when you're dead. Natsumi: *Horrified scream* *Fuyuki suddenly standing in the room* Giroro: Natsumi! Where is he?! Fuyuki: You know guys, some of us are trying to sleepwalk in peace. I don't steal your wallet when I sleepwalk, who said that? Natsumi: *Still freaked* Huh...? Guys! There was a ghost in here, I swear! *Realization* And... wait, Giroro, it looked like one of you! ...Had fucked a lawnmower... Giroro: After Dad-Train, I don't doubt anything. *Cut to Dokuku entering Keroro's room* Keroro: *Murmuring in his sleep* Tail the higher caste and shovel whatever foulness they excrete. Come, the predatory to luckless razed to the ground, I am easy meat. Dokuku: *Somewhat under his breath* Sorry, fella. I just can't wait any longer. Keroro: *Suddenly shouting* SEIZURE SOLO! Dokuku: AGH! Natsumi: Hi-yah! *Natsumi kicks Keroro's door down* Dokuku: *Quick* OOF-! Keroro: Heeeh...? Natsumi: Get up, Keroro, you got another freak of nature to deal with! Keroro: *Drousy* Aw, don't say that Natsumi. Have more self-respect, heeeeeegh. Fucker. Eh? Dokuku: *Rough and heavy breathing* Just... LET ME... OUT! Giroro: *Horrified* Oh my god, that was not a lawnmower. Fuyuki: I got a bottle with his name on it! Dokuku: *Freaking out* No! Damnit, please! *Flies off* I never wanted thiiiiis! *Disappears into the base* Keroro: *Audible choking* Fuyuki: ...Whoa. Giroro: Sounded like my dad when he left. Keroro: *Suddenly clears up his choking* HWUGH! GHOST IN THE BASE! KERORO PLATOON, WE GOT A CODE DEAD! *Cut to Dokuku floating through the base* Fuyuki: You think he'll mind if I monetize this? Tamama: *Sick and irritated* Can we please do this later? I've been pregnant for like three years now. Kululu: You've been bitching about it for two weeks. Tamama: I only just noticed! Dororo: He has the same aura as Putata and Mekeke. He is certainly one of them. Also the fucker- *Everyone turns to look at him* Dororo and Giroro: BROKE OUR LAPTOP! Omiyo: *Cheery* Maybe I can help! *Omiyo appears from the ground* Kululu: *Miffed* Hey! I worked really hard to get rid of you! Omiyo: You said my parents were fat and then walked out of the house. Kululu: *Deadpan* I'm not paid by the hour. Keroro: *Flamboyant* Alriiight! Lady ghost, we need you to convince him to leave. I'm thinkin' something with drama. Omiyo: Hm... I got just the thing. Dororo: Hang on! I'm heaving up another laptop! HURK- *Cut to spotlight on Dokuku* Omiyo: *Dramatic and wistful* Oh, poor misguided soul. Come close. Hear my one request, and woe, to you your scythe looks stupid. Pull my finger. Nothing happens, I'm a ghost. Keroro: *Deadpan* Why do I talk? Giroro: We had a theater this whole time, and you didn't tell me?! Tamama: Macbeth, motherfucker! *Crash offscreen* Kululu: HEGH! Tamama: Sorry, Kululu, my aim was off. Dokuku: Oh for god's sake. Come here, you idiots! Keroro, Natsumi, Tamama, Giroro, Dororo: AAAGH! *Crash through the door* Dokuku: *Chasing after them, furious* Hair and makeup, assholes! *Cut to everyone sitting down in a padded room, Kululu typing* Keroro, Giroro, Tamama: *Gasping for air* Fuyuki: One of the commenters called me Hitler. ...At last, I have power. Dororo: Kululu mentioned something about exorcising that ghost girl before. Perhaps he can do something similar with him? But... permanent and... not stupid. Kululu: I'd love to... dick, but I've got a better idea. He seems to be looking for something. If we can figure out what it is, maybe he'll piss off once he gets it. Dororo: That's Western ghosts. We're in Japan. Kululu: Who cares? Ghosts aren't real. Giroro: But... there's a girl... we just met- fuck everything. Tamama: *Distressed* Uh, guys? *Cut to Tamama looking huge and distended* Not feelin' great. Keroro: Oh, now you start showing. Tamama: I... I think something's coming...!!! Keroro: Yeah the ghost - *sudden realization* oh... oh god no... Natsumi: He's coming back! Keroro: Tamama! Use the kid as a missile! Tamama: Get ready for TamaMAMA! *Fires* Dokuku: Oh... GOD... That's it, you go first. *Possesses Tamama* Tamama: I'm spent. Someone find where it landed. AGH! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! Keroro: Oh no! Put her wallet in her mouth! Fuyuki: Now why would you assume I have it- oh right. Dokuku overlayed with Tamama: *Breathy, sinister* Ha... haha...! I can see... everything in her mind! ...Just a buncha dicks. *Wobbly, trying to get control* Wagh, god, why don't any of these limbs work?! Need to find... pickles and ice cream... Keroro: Baby, come back! *Singing* You can blame it all on me! *Normal* Well, not all of it. *Cut to Dokuku opening a vault* Dokuku/Tamama: *Still wobbly, kinda drunk sounding* Wait a minute... this ain't the refrigerator... *Reaches out for tube* But whatever you are, you're goin' down! Like a... burrito, I think?! *Clangs the container on the ground, tries painfully to open it* Dokuku/Tamama: You didn't even use your arms- why are they numb?! Ahhh... *Container opens with a shining light, group opens door* Keroro: Tamama, don't! Dokuku/Tamama: It's too late! This thirst demands to be quenched! Wup-! *Knocks container over, Giruru forms out of the goo* Giruru: *Dramatic* Who disturbs my hiding place?! More of Shurara's goons?! You ain't taking me back to that bastard! *Attacks* Dokuku: Giruru! No! *Stops him* Giruru: Wha-! *Overjoyed* Dokuku?! Bro! I thought you were dead! Dokuku: I thought you were solid. Giruru: Wait, what's going on? Shurara killed you! I was there! Dokuku: He wouldn't let me go that easily. I'm bound to him as a ghost. Giruru: ...How? Dokuku: ...What do you mean? Giruru: How could you be here if you were bound to him? I think he's just full of shit. Dokuku: But... he said I can't since he killed me. Giruru: You're kinda stupid. And that's okay. Dokuku: ...Oh. *Dokuku flies back into Tamama's ass* Dokuku/Tamama: Hey, do you guys mind if we just live here for now? Giruru: Yeah, you know, until Shurara's gone, however long that takes. Kululu: *Menacing whisper* Get back in your tube... Keroro: *Giving up* Ugh, fine, but I get Tamama's ass back. Dokuku/Tamama: Deal. Tamama: AGH-HAAAaaa... *flops in the ground* Mujoe: LATER THAT NIGHT! *Transition, Cut to Keroro in bed again* Keroro: *Sleepy* Alright, body. Let's make these last two hours count. *Rustling* Heh? Tamama, I'm over here. *Pulls off sheet, baby is revealed* Keroro: Huuuuuh... Little green thing. But it's not mine... Wait... *Realization horror* OH SHIT, IT IS! *Cut to in the base* Giroro: Poor bastard inherited his smell. Lethal deli meat. Tamama: Hee-hee~. Dororo: *Charmed* He's a beautiful child, you two. If you forgive me, I'll just stick with what I know. Kululu: Hope for the best, expect the worst. Keroro: It's your kid too, Tamama, why aren't you helping?! Tamama: I did my part, bitch! Now you do yours. Keroro: What even is my part?! I thought the sex was it! Do I need a mustache? *Child starts wailing* Keroro: *Irritated* Cork! Got it. Dororo: *Over the crying* I think the child is just hungry, Keroro. Keroro: Yeah! Where do you think I'm gonna put it?! *Cut to the kitchen* Natsumi: *Excited by babies and shit* Keroro, can I see the baby? Keroro: Oh hey guys, where do I put the kid down for a nap? He doesn't fit in the fridge. Fuyuki: Try freezing first. That's how I got in. Natsumi: Eeee, he's so cute! Keroro: *Frustrated* He'd be cuter if he liked my dance! Natsumi: I think he's actually hungry, Keroro. Do you even know how to properly feed a baby? Keroro: Of course I do. You can't spell “Keroro” without “care”. Or “team” without an “i”. ...Shit. *Cut to Tamama and Giroro entering the room* Tamama: Knock knock! Giroro: Kid need saving yet? *Natsumi's glittering* Giroro: *grunting in motherly agony* Tamama: Bet you're disappointed, huh? Keroro: *Giddy* Natsumi saves my ass again! For no reward. Ever. *Kid starts crying again* Fuyuki: It was powdered milk. You brought this on yourself. Giroro: *Intense* It's so...beautiful... Maternal instincts... kicking in. I want to be a mother too! It comes out of the face, right?! *Baby cries in horror* Natsumi: *Awkward but trying to let him down politely* Ehh... It comes out of parts I don't think you have, Giroro... Giroro: *Sobbing* Look at your boobs... aren't they neat...?! *Time skip* Natsumi: Alright, Keroro. Remember to feed him at least every three hours. You'll need to burp him after every meal. Keroro: Huh... *Baby burps* Keroro: *Trance of cuteness* Haaaaah... Fuyuki: Have you named him yet, Sarge? Keroro: Yeah, I've been thinking about that. *Awkwardly sentimental* I've decided to name him after my and Tamama's eternal love... Kemama. Natsumi: *Sincere* I think she'd like that. Never thought I'd say it, but hey, hope things go well for you guys. Keroro: Maybe being a dad'll be alright. *That night* Keroro: *Delirious and exhausted* So I'm gonna jettison him into space. *Fake happy* He can be Superman! Somewhere else. Tamama: Quitter. Giroro: WELL THAT LASTED ALL OF A DAY. Dororo: *Concerned* Keroro, what happened to this morning? Keroro: *Sarcastic and bitchy* Well gee, Uncle Dororo, why don't you take the little scamp and FIND OUT. Giroro: Don't you pawn him off on us. This is your snot, you wipe it. Keroro: There's no “I” in “team”, Giroro! There's an “e” and an “a”! ...God- damnit! *Sighs, back to tired and bitchy* All he does is cry and eat and shit. I do enough of that myself. Dororo: Yeah, that's babies, Keroro. He's got like three years before he remembers anything you do. Keroro: Uuuuugh... fine... I can hold on... the years'll go by in a flash. *Later that night, Keroro lies dead, sits up* Keroro: *Even worse, slurring* Seriously guys, we'll both live longer if I'm not involved. Giroro: *Incredibly offended* You listen to me, you little freak. You're really gonna do to your own innocent child what Viper did to you?! Keroro: *Inhaling horrified shriek* *Flashback to Viper, “Two weeks ago”* Keroro: Soooo, Dad. Sold me for cash, huh? And not even that much. Viper: *Jovial* Yep! Kinda my thing. We were going to spend it on Jerry Curl, but then I had to go being me. I got what I paid for, hwaaaaghahaha. *Cut back to Keroro looking horrified, falls to his knees* Keroro: *Sobbing* You're right... I can't do that to my baby... How could I ever do that...?! *Continues blubbering* Kemama... Giroro: So that's how you make him feel remorse... *Kemama crawls over* Keroro: *Looks up, inelegant* Hwagh. *Baby coos* Keroro: *Teary, runny nose* He can't understand me... He doesn't know I'm a monster... *Picks up Kemama, hugs him* Don't worry, little buddy. I promise you'll never find out. *Stands up, announces proudly* I, Sergeant Keroro, will be the father that my father never was! *“The next day”, cut to the baby being huge* Keroro: *deadpan* Is this just gonna be a thing with my kids? Dororo: I... hope it's not from our side of the family. Keroro: *Flat* Don't judge a book by its Proteus syndrome. Kululu: From what I can tell, this isn't natural development. It's something outside his biology. Keroro: *Offended* I failed Biology, you know that! *Completely confident in things that are completely wrong* Clearly I'm just so good at this, that he's becoming a god! Tamama: Not far off. *Kemama's bulb starts flashing, starts crying* Dororo, Giroro, Tamama: *Gasp* Keroro: *Freaking out* What's wrong?! It's alright sweetie, Daddy's here! It might be hard to cuddle you, but I'll do my damnedest! *Kemama explodes, roof blows off the house* Natsumi: *Freaked out and surprised* Why do we bother fixing the fucking roof anymore?! Huh...? *Kemama is a giant bird* Keroro: *Horrified* My god... Our union... was so unholy...!!! Kululu: *Deadpan* Congratulations, you two. Your kid is an Albatross, Eater of Worlds. *Kemama flies away, screeches, subtitle reads “Bye, Mom and Dad! Never coming back!”* Tamama: He's so beautiful! My eldritch son...! Except a... beetle did it. Keroro: ...I thought I did it. *Feather falls onto bottle, music goes distant* Keroro: *Getting choked up* I... I guess it was time for him to leave the nest... *Suddenly angry* Is that the joke-? GOD, FUCKING KIDS! *Credits* *Post-Credits 1* Shurara: They just... LEFT?! I can't even put my trust in the dead?! ….Okay...! Okay... Let's just take the whole “life” thing out of it! *Giving orders* Nuii! Activate Robobo! *Robobo rockets to Earth, dramatic music* Robobo: Target locked. Prepare to be loved by my human-killing arms. *Post-Credits 2* Dororo: HURK! HRAK! HUWAGHL-! *clang* Ahhh, there we go. Giroro: ...GOD... You barfed up a computer. Dororo: *Exhausted* Told ya. I have one of every virus. Just need to install a firewall and we're good. Giroro: Do I, uh... need to take you to sick bay, or to IT? Dororo: Ugh, whichever- 'til Pururu gets back, they're both Kululu. Category:Episode Scripts